Fine. I'll sleep in my office
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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