my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
