found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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