I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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