Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
