If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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