It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
