Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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