Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
