My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
