I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
