i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
