I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
