i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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