Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
