I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
