There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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