all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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