oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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