Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
