1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
