I hate all girls vehemently.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
