Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
