I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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