winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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