i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
