I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
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Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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