It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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