I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
