I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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