I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
