dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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