so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
