I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
