The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
