why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
