I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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