Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
