i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
