Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
