I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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