you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
