yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
