So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
