i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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