So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
