Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
