he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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