Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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