I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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