I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
bring money and cleavage
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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