Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
