VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
