Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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