I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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