I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
