She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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