this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
