apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
