is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
