Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
