I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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